Sometimes I am sick of all my daydreams.
Instead of spending my precious time on something relevant like how to prepare for my exams or what to cook the next day, I am just wasting it by making up scenarios, situations, conversations in my head, endlessly. And mostly about things that are not very likely to happen or which will probably just not happen.
I mean, come on.
How big are the chances that the guy who sometimes sits in front of me in university actually notices me and starts to talk to me? That he comes after me and tells me he actually always wanted to talk to me but didn't know how? Or that he just turns around one day and smiles and wants to have my phone number?
The chances are not very big.
But for the moment I think about it, the moment I dream about it, it makes me happy. It nearly feels as if it was happening, as if it was a memory, as if it was something I have to deal with right now because it just happened. Sometimes I feel like it's real, and not the fact that I am just walking down the street alone imagining it.
I know, to a certain extent it is normal to make up stuff in your head. Everybody does that, right? But I am not very sure if my daydreaming is normal anymore. I tend to live in my own head a lot, spend more time with my thoughts and feelings than with actual stuff like talking or doing things. To some extent it is an introvert's trait. I just care more about what's on the inside, and by daydreaming I try deal with the world outside. Even if that picture I make of the world doesn't really accord to reality.
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| Sunset at home |
Sometimes I just wish things would be more like in my head. That, just for once, things I keep imagining all the time actually really happen and leave me breathless. That I am not that dreamy girl anymore, but the girl who actually does something in real life and lives there.
Instead, I am just here.
In my room imagining stuff. Talking to people in my head who are not here just to not feel so alone. Letting myself carrying away by daydreams.
I don't even know if I want to wake up.
Why think of the bitter world when you can do anything you want to by just closing your eyes? Why pondering about the same old problems over and over again when you can just shut them out of your head and fly away with your thoughts?
Maybe all these daydreams are the only way for me to deal with this world after all.
Reality might be a nice place after all, but I don't think I would wanna live there.
I know what you mean, and I'm still trying to find the answers to those questions. Being an introvert is so strange sometimes because it can create problems but then help you deal with them. It's hard to find a balance between dreaming too much and not enough. :/
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I saw the picture you took on Adam's Tumblr! :DD I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw "umbrelladaydreams" on it. That is so awesome!!!
I know, I totally freaked out when he saw he reblogged my picture! I almost fell from my chair :D
DeleteYes, sometimes I really don't know how to dal with all that dreaming, but I feel like it's making me happy and kinda "releases" me from stuff. I think it's exhausting to be introverted though, sometimes you just drown in your thoughts. It must be way easier to be extroverted :-/
I feel the same! So often I catch myself almost excited to escape to my room and invent thousands of scenarios for hours because it's so much better than my actual life. My time is invested in things that probably won't happen, but in some ways I'm okay with that, as you seem to be. This is a really interesting post, and like one I'd considered writing. I think you put it into words better than I could have, though! :)
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I know that feeling too well... I am really getting lost in my daydreams lately, more than I ever used to ; it keeps me away from worrying too much about my studies and social stuff. It's awkward to think that there are people who feel the same way and do the same things to escape real life. Sometimes I feel really weird when I am just sitting there dreaming instead of doing prodictive things ;) I'm glad you like the post :) ashdj thank you ;)
DeleteAgreed! The same is happening with me. I know, so often I feel like I'm on my own. It's almost comforting that I'm not the only one. :) Hahaha, I do too! :D Of course!
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