I haven't been blogging for some time now. I don't know, sometimes the internet and everything that comes with it makes me rather feel alone than connected to other people. It's easy to get that feeling. Maybe I'm just in a strange mood, feeling myself slipping away from reality. Too often I'm just here with nothing to do, and that sucks and makes me feel like I'm standing in the audience rather than rocking the stage. I know there will come times again when I am busy and full of plans, but well, right now this time feels just too far away for me. It's kind of uncertain how everything will be this summer, at least until end of May. I had to do an exam for my study 2 weeks ago which I have to pass to be able to start this summer, so it was extremely important to me. I nearly died of test anxiety before it. In about 3 or 4 weeks they'll send the results and I'll get to know if I have to try it again and it would take some more weeks or even months until I get the opportunity for it, and yeah, just, everything's going so slowly and until August I have to have this certificate. Somehow this ambiguity never seems to stop and I just wish I could take a sneak peak of August to see if everything finally went the way I wanted.
So I'm on tenterhooks these weeks because I so desperately hope that I passed.
Actually I didn't plan on making this post personal. I didn't even plan to make anything in this blog personal because I wanted that everybody could relate to what I write.
But now .. well now I just don't care. It's exhausting to care about readers and followers and all that, lately this have become too important to me which is kinda pathetic. I really need a life.
Amen! I'm going through the exact same things.
ReplyDeleteI have three exams that, should I pass, will get me college credit, but that are extremely hard and I don't think I'll pass and so I'm stressed and worried and completely overwhelmed. I figure that's how you're feeling, too.
And sometimes I feel incredibly alone on here, too. I understand.
I guess you've reached your readers even by writing personal things anyway. :)
That doesn't sound good at all :-/ I have the feeling that exams just NEVER end. It's annoying and drains so much strength. And then you go on your internet pages in search for some distraction and sometimes it just doesn't help because hardly anything cheers you up and the littlest things brings you down. Those times are bad, but then I'm glad again to hear you understand. It's always so encouraging. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the same! And you're exactly right. It seems like every time I go online for a break from studying or something really stressful, I see some sort of drama and have a near melt-down. You've managed to make the stress seem a bit more bearable-I at least know someone can relate. :) You're welcome.
ReplyDeleteAll through this post I was thinking, "This is so me." I really could relate to this, even though I'm not in the same situation as you. Thankyou so much for this post. :)
ReplyDeleteOh I'm always happy when someone can relate! Then it doesn't make me feel so alone. But well, I have to thank you for reaging my messed-up train of thought :)
DeleteSame here. :)
DeleteHaha! You're quite welcome.