The best thing I never had

There's this guy, right? So many stories just start with just one guy.

Someday he just stood in front of you and you said hello. You didn't ask for him, he was just there. He was nice and you talked, but you didn't find him any special. He was just a guy.

You started to hang out with him. You spent evenings together watching television side by side. You began to like him. You began thinking how nice it would be to be his friend. You imagined what it would be like because you didn't have many friends, especially no male friends.

But you knew how it would go. You knew that you and he, you couldn't be friends because somehow, you saw it coming.

You started to like his smile. And his eyes. You began to feel weird and nervous when was around, began to look forward to see him, even if it was for just 2 minutes. You started to feel all these feelings you didn't know they existed like that. But you couldn't help yourself.

You thought he would maybe like you, too. The way he looked at you. And smiled at you. You lay awake every night thinking if it could work out. You daydreamed about him and what it would be like. How it would feel.

You told yourself that it would need time, that something like this needs time. You just continued smiling at him and hanging out with him altough it nearly made you crazy to just sit there with him while he didn't even know what you were feeling. Or did he, maybe?

You would never find out because somehow it all just stopped.

He didn't come over anymore. You didn't see him anymore. You tried to let him know that you wanted to hang out with him again, but instead you saw him with other people while you sat alone in your room. Thinking of him, of course. Waiting for him, because maybe, just maybe, he would want to see you again and come over.

You started wondering what went wrong. You asked yourself what you did or said, tried to find a reason why he didn't want to be with you anymore. You started thinking that he only hang out with you because he was bored. Maybe he didn't like you at all.

The other day there was this girl, and you knew that it was over. You didn't know what it was, but you knew that now, it was too late because he found someone else.

And you? You were just left there thinking. Of him, of course. All night and all day. Heartbroken.You miss him. You don't know what to do because it hurts so much to see him with another girl. You keep asking yourself why he didn't chose you. What had this girl? What had she what you didn't have?

The time just passed by and you didn't see him anymore. When he moved away, he didn't even say goodbye. You just saw his room was empty someday. He disappeared without a word while you were sitting in your room waiting for him. Because you thought he would at least say goodbye to you. But he didn't.

You know that you should forget him, but you can't. He is your veins and you can't help but thinking of him from time to time. Thinking of all the little things which now meant nothing. All the things he would never remember, all the things he probably never noticed. Now they were only resting heavy on your chest.

You never talk of him because you don't want to admit you still feel that way. That you still lie awake sometimes thinking back to the hours you had with him. You know he would always be your favourite what-if, your favourite anything. You know you shouldn't feel that way, you know you should hate him for stepping out of your life like that, but you can't do anything against it because you know it would have been perfect. Once in your life, it could have been perfect. And you know that he would always be the best thing you never had.

Cala d'Or, Spain