Diaries and apes

I am addicted to writing. I am writing everyting down everywhere. I have got so many random notes on my phone, hundreds of documents on my notebook and a diary I keep writing in everyday. I have always been like this. In our basement is a big box with about 20 diaries I wrote from the first page to the last starting at the age of 12.

It's so interesting to read through them from time to time. To read about the thoughts and worries of a child, of a 15-year old, of myself some years ago. To read about all the ups and downs in my life, the friends I found and lost, my grades at school, the music I listened to. About my whole life.

I am addicted to writing, probably because I am thinking too much. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my head so I could have some peace in it because my thoughts are always running like some crazy gerbil. Often they don't let me sleep at night and so I lie awake for hours.

It's relieving to write everything down what's on my mind. And that's why I am writing so much. The only problem is that I almost never feel finished. I have got documents on my notebook which are several pages long because I just wanted to write down everything that kept chasing me. A chaos of thoughts is so finding itself black on white in at least some kind of order on the screen.

I am definitely thinking too much.

I wish the inside of my head would look like this :

Sadly it doesn't, although I would really prefer it. Some cute crazy ape is definitely better than never-ending thoughts freaking me out.

If you find out how to implant this ape in my head, just tell me. I am open for any kinds of suggestions. 

Good night!